That Broken Feeling...
I thought this feeling might pass if I slept it off, but no. It seems to have escalated.
I don't usually share what I'm feeling, and am more hesitant to do so now, after the few times I have shared my life and/or feelings to the internet public, for fear of being labeled as some sort of attention-whore (again), but how long can I bottle it all away before the pressure explodes? I feel like I need to release these feelings, to share them with someone, but I have no one I can trust to just listen and support me, without feeling like I'm burdening them with my own problems. So, how must that make me feel? I have no true friends, no one I feel completely comfortable with, no one who will be there for me. Not even my family fills that role anymore.
The few people I've met online who even come close have all drifted away from me, or I from them. It just doesn't feel like anyone cares about me. I've lost all meaning and purpose in life. Some days I can carry on in relative contentment, but it's nothing more than hiding from the truth. I do nothing of value. I'm a lazy, selfish sod who does nothing for nobody. But how can I do something for someone else, when I can barely find the will to keep myself alive and entertained?
I keep wondering if I really am just depressed or if that would just be an excuse for being a terrible person.
I feel like I have no future. Like I should just give up right now and just curl up and die. Yet I can't even do that. *sigh* Maybe this feeling will pass and I'll go back to ignorant bliss as usual. My birthday is coming up in about two weeks, so that should make for an entertaining distraction. Maybe. If anyone cares about me enough to try to make it special, not that being alive another year is anything all that special anymore. Twenty-four years old I'll be, and what do I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing. Not even my "artwork" is noteworthy enough to make up for the waste that my life has been.
Well... I think that's all the moping I can manage at the moment. *goes back to emo-corner*
Current Mood:
depressed